Counter Clearance

The kitchen was solely Ma's territory. No one disturbs or messes up with her haven. Simple and functional, it was Ma's.

Even when she was taken ill, it was still her place - that is until she left us. The kitchen is no one's.

The kitchen is left as it is since the day Ma left. Often, I'd prepare my breakfast and lunch for work but it isn't mine. It never feels like mine.

Many a time, I had wanted to clear everything up but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Earlier this year just before the CNY, I tried. I started with the first top drawer. It was a mistake. I saw all Ma's medication and I just broke down and cried. I didn't expect the sadness that could overwhelm me. So, I left the kitchen as it is.

A section of the counter top was getting messier - new ones on top of the old.

A mess! The broken juicer which I used daily to process fresh juices for Ma.

Ma's health supplements

The new packet of Korean seaweed I bought for Ma just a few days before she left us.

I was / am still stuck with the past. Unwilling to let go of certain items. Hanging on - for comfort, perhaps?

In my mind, I would tell myself to clear up the kitchen but it was only in my mind.

Today, I just went ahead and cleared it. Threw away the expired, wiped down the dusty surface and arranged what's left.

What's left

 

The emptiness

 

For the rice cooker... and perhaps a new oven / pressure cooker?

I would like to feel like the kitchen's mine.

Slowly, but surely.

Interview

Hope I can nail my dream this round. Not sure if I did well but I've tried. If I don't get it, then I know for sure that I'll have to stay on to learn and to give more. I'll be patiently waiting for the right time. Trusting that this is the right place for me to be at, right now, in spite of the challenges. Will yield and submit and do my best.

The notice outside the interview room

Socks?

I was facilitating a revision session with a class of 45 rambunctious and hyper-active 13-year-olds, when a particular boy caught my attention. He was quite unmanageable, loud and was interrupting his group's discussion. Therefore, I reprimanded him.

Ms Sophie: Sam*, please cooperate with your friends and work together. Get your acts together! Pull up your socks!

Sam: Okay, okay... *bends down and pulls up his socks*

Source

Ms Sophie: ... -.-"

*Name has been changed to protect student's privacy.

Working...

Real teaching has started off in full swing last week when I finally received my teaching schedule. This was after slightly more than two months of performing the insignificant task of being a relief teacher.

There was, however, nothing much to be done as it was the revision week prior to the upcoming final exam. In total, I've got 12 classes, with an average of two periods each. Yes, I have 'inherited' the less important subject and 'baby-sitting' a class without a subject teacher.

Happy 'teaching' to me.

Officially Done

As of 3.30 p.m. today, my graduate study has come to its completion when I handed in four copies of my dissertation in the form of hard cover binding to the Centre of Postgraduate Studies.

In a blink of an eye, my two-year study has come to an end and I'm having mixed feeling over it.

Happy - because I've finally completed all my courses and dissertation. No more worries over presentation, assignments, literature reviews, pilot-testing, meeting the relevant authorities to get permission to conduct survey and interviews, trying to make sense of SPSS, interpreting the data, transcribing the interviews, drafting, writing, rewriting, suffering from anxiety up till the last minute prior to meeting up my dear supervisor for his comments on my work, etc.  

Sad - because my life as a full-time postgrad student has come to end and it will be back to work - teaching. My two-year of 'rest' is ending in exactly five days. I am dreading the routines and the tasks of facing SIX (plus / minus one) classes of 45 (plus / minus five) upper secondary school students. The idea of becoming a full-time student is most appealing - that is if I could get the best deal - getting another scholarship to further my studies.

I would have to serve my bond with the government for three years before I am 'allowed' to go anywhere else, unless another miracle happens and I get to go off for a fully sponsored doctorate study. That - is my wishful thinking at this moment.

And so I bid farewell to my school.

The dreaded corridor where we'd be cramming in some theories

while waiting to enter the rooms to sit for our exams.

Farewell. I don't think I'll be missing you.

Done!

Finally, I am done with my dissertation! A huge burden is lifted when I left the photocopy shop with the three sets of manuscript to be submitted for grading. Will be handing them in tomorrow. Hopefully, all will be well with the grading by the two readers, the return of my work with minimal changes, submission of the hard cover copies and getting to graduate this Nov.

Technically, my study's done and I still have another 2 1/2 months of break. Happiness! Will need to make some arrangement regarding my posting. Am mentally preparing myself for the next phase of my journey.

Proposal Defence

The proposal defence for my dissertation is over and done. I'm happy and grateful that the panel gave me the green light to proceed.

 Photo credit

I must admit that the week leading up to my defence was not that pleasant as I was worried over what the panel would have to say about my work.

What if I've used the wrong method?

What if the theoretical framework employed does not make sense?

What if the literature review is not extensive or current enough?

What if I couldn't answer their questions?

What if my proposal needs major amendments and changes?

The knowledge that the first reader who never fails to shake-up and attack and tear apart the work of his candidates during presentation did not help my increasing worry. I guess I just do not want to appear like a fool and be demotivated before the panel.

I don't know how and why but when I arrived at the venue to wait for my turn, I found out that my group had a totally different panel. The second candidate was already in the room for more than 40 minutes and it did make me wonder if they were very dissatisfied with her work to question her for so long.

After one hour, she came out and informed those waiting nervously that the profs were very kind. They had merely given her many suggestions on how to improve her work and it took one whole hour. At that moment, all my fears dissipated!   

What can I say except that God is just so very good to me. One of my prayer requests was that the well-known highly critical prof won't be nasty and what did God do? He had the whole panel changed and I entered the room before two most kind, gentle and encouraging profs.

And the best part is, they were very satisfied with my work and only suggested a very minor change!

The same could not be said for some of my friends under different panels. Though they could proceed with their research, some had to modify and amend nearly 60% of their work! And an unfortunate course mate had to re-submit his work within one week due to a minor oversight on his part which was caught by a very fastidious prof. It was that gruesome!

I'm not saying that I had it easy or my work is flawless but I just disagree with how proposal defense is run here, well at least in my uni. It is supposed to be a sharing and feedback session to help students improve their work. Not a 'tearing' / 'hentam' (bashing) session which seems quite the norm here. Is it any wonder that post-grads do not look forward to their defence?  

**********

  

Thank You so much, DD! You know my fears and erased them for me and I'm so very grateful!

Fruitful Trip

Despite those quirky happenings, my working trip to KL has been a fruitful one. Managed to download some journal articles and locate and photostat most of the hard copies that I need although there are also some which I couldn't gain online access to since I'm not a student of UKM.

I think I've had enough of the the libraries of UM and UKM for now.

The graduate lab where I've been sourcing for more online articles

Computer 15 - my preferred unit
July 12: UKM graduate lab

I know I'd never be able to finish locating all the articles as I've yet to conduct my pilot study so those I've found will have to suffice for now as I still need to review all those articles and include them in my dissertation.

I came to KL with one thick ring file and will be returning with four times its thickness. Hopefully none will be wasted and will be of use.

The good news is that my supervisor seems to be satisfied with my proposal although I'll need to revise my third research question. I hope all will go well and my pilot study and further reviews will take off after my scheduled appointment with him this Friday.

This is only the beginning and I'm bracing myself for the full works ahead.

Dear DD, thank You so much for your providence. I can't thank you enough!

Glee!

No, not the musical series shown on tv.

It's the glee of seeing rows upon rows of neatly stacked, musky-smelling, hardcover-bound printed journal articles related to my area of study.

Sigh... UMS library, still in its infancy and lacking in government-sponsored research funds, is clearly no match against the libraries of UM and UKM.

UM library - Level 3

Stacked so high up

 Volumes and volumes of the periodical - Language Learning!!!

June 23: UM library

Quiet reading area

June 29: UKM library

I could just sit here for hours - locating, flipping through, marking down, carrying the heavy volumes to the photostatting counter, xeroxing pages and pages of journal articles, returning every volume to its exact spot til I'm exhausted!

I'm loving it!!!

Ok, I lied.

I HAD to sit here for hours - locating, flipping through, marking down, carrying the heavy volumes to the photostatting counter, xeroxing pages and pages of journal articles, returning every volume to its exact spot til I'm exhausted since I had to fly over to KL all the way from KK and commute more than one hour one way on a daily basis to UKM.

But seriously, I love the libraries. Libraries with resources as these make me salivate!!!

The near complete resources make my life as a post grad student so much easier.

In fact, even as a guest, I could gain access to UKM's richer online databases, though not their e-journals, and downloaded more articles.

With the money that I had already spent for my flight, daily commute to and fro, photostatting the materials, food and miscellaneous, I had better graduate on time next year!

Please, DD, please!

Quirky Events

Am now posting from KL. I have been here since June 22 to scour the libraries of UM and UKM for journals and books for my dissertation.

It was a trip full of quirkiness.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For the first time in my air travel history, I had a sleepy neighbour who had the tendency of leaning over to my side, woke up a few times and still leaned over to my side... =.=

Amazing how she still had the sense (while dozing) of not leaning over to the other side coz it's a man!

Please don't start drooling over my arm...
June 22: In an Air Asia plane

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For the first time too my check-in luggage did not arrive together with me when I touched down at LCCT. Was waiting for quite a while at the luggage carousel area and there were still many bags by-passing me when I had an ill feeling that it might be missing.

True enough, I was still standing there in disbelief when the worker stopped the carousel and gestured with his hands towards me to indicate that there was no more bag.

I was sick to the stomach because I was fearful that my luggage had been stolen although there was a possibility that it went into the wrong flight.

Made a report, took the bus to Central, was picked up by Elaine, got a call that my luggage had arrived via another flight and would be sent to me by 7 p.m., had tea, borrowed a pair of shorts from Elaine, went to SS3's weekly night market, had dinner, washed the plates, called LCCT to inquire about my bag at 8 p.m. and was told I'd get it by 9.30 p.m., watched TV and was still watching TV when my luggage finally arrived at 10.55 p.m. =.=

Nothing was missing. The fortunate thing was I did not check in my other luggage which contained my research file and... 2 kgs of prawns, 2 large fish, 1 packet of beef meatballs and 2 rolls of meat roll (chun gen) which are the usual deliveries for my uncle from KK.

If I had, I would have ended up with a luggage full of rotten and smelly products.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For the first time, when I was barely here a week, I sprained my ankle in UKM library, of all places, on a Tue afternoon... =.=

I seem to have a knack for tripping or near tripping over flat and even surfaces. Don't ask me why.

Was holding onto a few thick volumes of journal articles and was locating for another when I sprained it. Did not fall flat coz I managed to hold onto the book shelf but the pain was excruciating! I could still walk though I could feel stabs of discomfort with each step I took.

Felt uneasy and decided to go home early. Took a cab and then a 1/2-hour commuter ride to Central, stood up and felt unbearable pain! Limped out of the coach, took a lift up a floor, dragged my feet across the hall, rode on an escalator down to the other platform, took another coach to Angkasapuri, stood in a coach full with KLites rushing home, got off at my station, limped for a distance, climbed my way up and down a flight of stairs into my uncle's waiting car.

The pain grew worse as the evening wore on and I couldn't even bear to put my foot on the floor. Sigh...

I spent two solid days house-bound before I could slowly venture out to the shops below for a Fri lunch.

Finally, my ankle was good enough for me to travel to UKM library again the following Mon - Thu and to UM yesterday. Worked furiously as I had already wasted one whole week and didn't think much about about my ankle until it started to swell again on Thu... =.= and is still swollen now though not as badly.

Sigh...

Swollen...
July 8: Uncle's house

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For the first time since my student days, I was stuck at the Universiti LRT station yesterday, Fri., during the evening peak hour. I had waited for nearly 45 minutes for the shuttle bus at the UM bus stop, stood for  a good 30 minutes in the bus in sardine-like condition and another 15 minutes in the LRT only to be informed of that a technical problem had occurred with the LRT system.

Was prepared to wait for another 1 - 2 hours but uncle was most kind to pick up me up from the station. Luckily, Kuchai Lama is not that far from the station. Reached home at 8 p.m., a good 3 hours after I had stepped out of the library.

Crazy KL life... =.= 

The stalled train
July 9: Universiti LRT station

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Quirkiness ends here!

I've another five more days to go in KL. Will be heading home next Thu.

No more quirky events for me, please. I want to enjoy my last few days here.

Awake

Still awake, having just completed my preparation for the presentation tomorrow this morning.

It's been quite awhile ever since I had to be still awake at this hour working on something fruitful.

Strangely awake that I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to sleep.

Teacher's Day

CNY deco

A CNY classroom decoration competition was organized by the ASCF(C) earlier this year in January in conjunction with the then, upcoming CNY celebration.

Most of the classes took part in the competition. Some went all out and decked their classes in red; hanging lanterns, spring couplets, rows upon rows of folded red angpau packets. There was also the God of Prosperity with the golden nuggets and all.

One such well-decorated classes was 5I. I thought that the students had done a great job in cleaning and sprucing up the class on their own.

I just could not resist taking snapshots of the class... while they were having exam!

Yellow and red pineapples hanging from the beams.

And after that particular paper, I snapped photos of the students too.

The proper pic:

The siok pic:

Soon after the school had reopened (after CNY break), the class was announced as the winner of the competition for the upper form category.

I'm glad my prediction came true. They deserved to win. Congrats!

But don't play too hard, yeah... Do study harder... :P

U61

After a gap of not teaching Form Sixers, I was tasked to teach a group last year. This group of students came in sometime in May 2008 and I started teaching them officially in June.

Initially there were 27 of them but the number slowly tapered down to 21 this year. Initially I did struggle because of the change in syllabus and the students' mixed ability. It was hard to find an entry point.

However, this was soon overcome and I find them enjoyable to teach. It is more relaxing to teach Form 6 students because they are more mature and the class is smaller. I do not have to deal with disciplinary problems and poor manners.

Sometimes, I do find myself crawling up the wall when they could not apply what I have taught or I did not get a more positive response from them.

It is quite seldom to get them all together during a lesson because there is bound to be one absent.

However, there was one day when they were all in class, all 21 of them, because (terpaksa) the MUET exam was approaching and I was going intensive.

So I gathered them together, took out my phone and snapped a few pics.

The proper pic:

Front to back, L - R:
Yeoh Lei Kun, Toh Pei Cin, Connie Wong, Sharon Hoh.
Vervienny, Lo Kai Li, Khaiyartika, Norfarhanah, Lim Yee Yen.
Dg. Najeeha, Marlina, Farena, Siew Lin Lih, Karyn Ku, Jumrianah, Christabelle.
Lim Fong Ho, Wong Jun Yin, Ralston Henry, Victor Yong, Sharon Wong.

Another proper pic:

The siok pic:

Good luck U61!

Study harder... :P

Over & Done With

Woohoo! And the bunch of singers did not suck!!! Yay!

A huge burden is lifted off my shoulders today. The 55 kids trained, rehearsed, rehearsed, trained, practised, bought all the correct attires, came early this morning, put on make-up and accesories, warmed-up their voices, walked up the stage, waited for the curtain to open, smiled, sang the first song, sang the second song, bowed, the curtain closed... and it was all over.

After two weeks of training and coaching, it was all over in less than ten minutes.

Yeah, that's how it is with performances. Artists, singers, dancers, musicians could train for weeks and months on end and everything would be over in a few minutes, hours or so...

So much effort and yet how quickly everything ends.

This got me thinking about life. How the human race strive, work hard, build their life, accumulate wealth, upgrade their homes, cars, possessions, etc... Striving for perfection, for the best, in their life. And when the end comes, everything would be over in a blink of an eye.

What are we working for? What are we striving for? What are we stressed out over for?

And i will have to constantly remind myself to be careful and not lose sight of what i believe in, what i am convinced of...

Yours carefully,

SS -.-'

Tone Deaf

How do you teach a bunch of high school kids to sing properly and perform in two weeks' time?

When time is too short?

When they love to sing but not all are gifted?

When some are tone deaf and some others just couldn't carry a tune?

How do you get the group going and not suck big time on performance day?

Only one more week to go...

Haiz... stressed out... very, very stressed out...

The choir teacher's stress level has gone up a notch higher.

Her head is on the chopping board...

Someone... please save me...


Yours fearfully,
MatiSendiri ='(