This Monday

This Monday - today - is exactly a week since your passing. I thought I would not be able to go through today.

6 a.m. was when I last fed you.

Between then and 7 a.m., I was trying to cool down your high fever with 4 towels.

Around 7 a.m. I just had to go out of the hospital 'dorm' to escape from the heartache of seeing you in your weakened condition.

From 7.30 - 8.30 a.m. between cooling down your fever, I had the help from two male nurse trainees assist me in giving you a sponge bath and changing your bedsheet and linens. You opened your eyes for a moment - which was the last time.

The maid arrived at 8.

9.10 a.m. - the maid fed you as I observed. Mom arrived awhile later.

You were rested on your left side - clean and dignified. I touched your head, your face, your arms, your hands. But your feet were cool. You showed no responses. You were still breathing but without the chesty sounds from your lungs.

I didn't know then - but that would be the last I saw of you.

9.30 a.m. - reached home and cried myself to sleep.

Between a deep slumber and knowing mom came home and left with Ken, I had a dream which I can't remember now. But I thought I was running through a green forest and there were others dressed in white.

12.35 p.m. - Between the shrill rings of the phone and mom's voice, I was told that the doc requested us to be at the hospital.

Just 5 minutes later, another call came to bring us the news that you were gone.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

I wish I had known then - which I know I couldn't have - so that I would sit there, hold your hands, caress your hair - just be by your side until you leave us.

I couldn't really cry then though my heart was hurting so much, but now I can.

Missing you so much!

Untitled Hymn

Dedicated to Dad:

 Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus) ~ by Chris Rice

Youtube source unknown

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall, so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!



Yes, Dad, fly to Jesus and live! and sing! and dance!

For Just A Moment

When I reached home and put down my bags on the sofa, I had wanted to dash to the bed where you lie on - to kiss you on your forehead, to take in the familiarity of your scent and to ask you how you're doing.

It was a fleeting thought. It was real.

For just a moment, I forgot that you're not there. For just a moment, I forgot that you're in the hospital from which I had just returned from. For just a moment, I forgot

It is habitual; it is routine.

My happy thought was gone just as quickly as it had come.

For a moment - just a moment - I was happy.

Is It Time?

Is it time to let you go?
Can I not hold on to your hands awhile longer?
And feel the warmth that those hands emanate,
And feel the little responses that you could muster?

Is it time to let you go?
When you seem to show some improvement,
When once in awhile you could open your eyes,
And give me meaningful gazes?

Is it time to let you go?
When I whispered into your ear,
To ask you who I am,
And you called my name?

Is it time to let you go?
When I asked you if you're afraid?
And with all the strength that you could gather
You mumbled, "No."?

Is it time to let you go?
Can I not hold on to your hands awhile longer?
And feel the warmth that your hands emanate,
And feel the little responses that you could muster?

Is it time to let you go?
Because despite all the warmth and responses,
Your gazes and your mumblings,
You look so weak and fragile.

Is it time to let you go?
When you seem to be slowly slipping away?
Slipping through the grasps of my hands,
And my heart and my hope.

Is it time to let you go?
When I really wouldn't want to,
Because I couldn't really let you go,
Just because I would like you to be around awhile longer?

Is it time? Is it time?
This is what I ask my Lord,
Please take care of my earthly father,
This is my cry unto my Heavenly Father.

Socks?

I was facilitating a revision session with a class of 45 rambunctious and hyper-active 13-year-olds, when a particular boy caught my attention. He was quite unmanageable, loud and was interrupting his group's discussion. Therefore, I reprimanded him.

Ms Sophie: Sam*, please cooperate with your friends and work together. Get your acts together! Pull up your socks!

Sam: Okay, okay... *bends down and pulls up his socks*

Source

Ms Sophie: ... -.-"

*Name has been changed to protect student's privacy.

Working...

Real teaching has started off in full swing last week when I finally received my teaching schedule. This was after slightly more than two months of performing the insignificant task of being a relief teacher.

There was, however, nothing much to be done as it was the revision week prior to the upcoming final exam. In total, I've got 12 classes, with an average of two periods each. Yes, I have 'inherited' the less important subject and 'baby-sitting' a class without a subject teacher.

Happy 'teaching' to me.

Delivery Status Notification (Failure)

Have been too lazy to write any meaningful post. Just wanna share this humourous email.

A Punjabi lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India.

Dear Sunita Darling,

I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company's performance, so I am sending you 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, please adjust.

Your loving husband,
Tuna Singh

His wife replied:

TINKU KE PAPPA,

Thanks for the 100 kisses. Below is the list of expenses I paid with the kisses:

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord, Kapal Singh, comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.
4. Supermarket owner, Jaswant Singh, did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items. I hope you understand.
5. Miscellaneous expenses: 40 kisses.

Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance.

Shall I plan the same for the next month?

Your Sweetheart,
Kichi Kaur

NEVER MESS WITH WOMEN... ^ ^

Officially Done

As of 3.30 p.m. today, my graduate study has come to its completion when I handed in four copies of my dissertation in the form of hard cover binding to the Centre of Postgraduate Studies.

In a blink of an eye, my two-year study has come to an end and I'm having mixed feeling over it.

Happy - because I've finally completed all my courses and dissertation. No more worries over presentation, assignments, literature reviews, pilot-testing, meeting the relevant authorities to get permission to conduct survey and interviews, trying to make sense of SPSS, interpreting the data, transcribing the interviews, drafting, writing, rewriting, suffering from anxiety up till the last minute prior to meeting up my dear supervisor for his comments on my work, etc.  

Sad - because my life as a full-time postgrad student has come to end and it will be back to work - teaching. My two-year of 'rest' is ending in exactly five days. I am dreading the routines and the tasks of facing SIX (plus / minus one) classes of 45 (plus / minus five) upper secondary school students. The idea of becoming a full-time student is most appealing - that is if I could get the best deal - getting another scholarship to further my studies.

I would have to serve my bond with the government for three years before I am 'allowed' to go anywhere else, unless another miracle happens and I get to go off for a fully sponsored doctorate study. That - is my wishful thinking at this moment.

And so I bid farewell to my school.

The dreaded corridor where we'd be cramming in some theories

while waiting to enter the rooms to sit for our exams.

Farewell. I don't think I'll be missing you.

Korea, Here I Come

Finally, another one of my dreams is coming true. I'll be visiting Korea from 5 - 10 May.
 
Am very excited. Was informed of a much cheaper tour package just a few days ago. I was without a traveling partner to share the accommodation cost but the agency found another female solo traveler just in time on Thursday. Hopefully, I'd get along well with this stranger room mate of mine.

The tour itinerary may not include the places that I really wish to go to if I were to travel on my own but it's good enough for my first visit.

For this trip, I'll be visiting:

• Petite France
• Mount Seorak - Shinheung Temple
• Teddy Bear Farm - Phoenix Park
• Gondola & Sheep Farm - Blue Canyon Waterpark
• Suwon - for kimchi-making and hanbok experience
• Everland
• Lotus Lantern Festival (Lantern parade along Dongdaemun to Jogyesa)
• Namsan Hanok Village & Namsan Park
• Dongdaemun Market
• Blue House - Gyeongbok Palace - National Folk Museum
• Namdaemun Market
• Myeongdong

The above are touristy places commonly found in tour packages. I'm not very keen on the water park and Everland. I'd most likely be snapping pics of these places rather than queuing and taking rides.

The highlight I must say is visiting Mount Seorak and viewing the lantern parade. I wish to see beautiful spring scenery and a colourful local traditional celebration.

What I wish is that I'd get to ride the cable car to the top of  Mt. Seorak and get a bird's eyeview of the mountain. Wonder if I'd still get to see some cherry blossoms (if they are still around at this time).

Besides that, I wish to explore the streets of Dongdaemun, Namdaemun and Myeongdong on my own at a leisurely pace (hopefully) without the tour guide on the second half of Days 5, 6 and 7 and savour some local street food that I've read about.

Can't wait! Hope all goes well with good weather, no yellow dust and no rain, please!

SCB Headache

Sometimes, certain promises may be too good to be true, even if they are corporate banking giants.

I am frustrated by SCB's inefficiency.

After applying for SCB's credit card, I opened my mail only to discover this. Clearly, the tele-marketeer who called me over the phone had failed to inform me about this. After contacting him, he "added" the extra info that company name will be printed on all platinum business c.c.

So, fine. I had to call customer care to make the necessary change as I absolutely will not carry a c.c. with a person's name in place of company name. Therefore, my previous 'company' name, "XY", was printed there.

Next, I received the first e-statement and found that I had to access it with a default password. Following closely to the instructions given, I failed to open up the document. I thought I must have gotten something wrong. Yet, I wasn't too concerned as I knew I'd be getting the paper statement and it arrived a few days later.

Within one month of receiving their first paper statement and e-statement, I received a letter in March informing me that the bank will cease to send paper statement to their customers as they are adopting an environmentally friendly approach to "save" trees and cut down on the use of paper. Should I wish to continue receiving paper statement, I'd have to call customer service to activate it and I'd be charged a fee. I wasn't too happy about this as I prefer to keep hard copies especially on credit transactions for my references. I had specifically asked the marketeer about this and was assured that there will be paper statements at no extra charge and the box for 'paper statement' was clearly pre-checked in their application form.

So I went online to check on their policy but could not find how much they are charging. So I thought that my web-surfing skill was flawed. Still, I could not access the second e-statement and yet I wasn't too concerned as the second paper statement arrived a few days later and I knew how much to pay.

I knew I wouldn't be receiving any paper statement this month  and I still couldn't access the third e-statement. Finally, I called up the customer service to inquire about accessing the document - just to double-check where I had gone wrong. The instructions given were exactly how I had been keying in the  default password. To give them the benefit of doubt, I tried again upon hanging  up but to no avail.

So I called again, this time to the BM line, to inquire why I still couldn't access it. He suspected that the bank has yet to update my birth date and true enough, after clicking on his keyboard, he confirmed that it wasn't. So for three months, this fine bank has been sending three password-protected documents to me which could not be accessed since it has yet to update my particulars! Don't they know that? Isn't the system linked or something or whatever? Why do they insist on e-statement when they did not even get their data correct? The fact that the operator could guess beforehand why I couldn't access my password-protected document shows that this must have been a common problem. Why is it still happening? And I had to call twice just to get to the bottom of the problem!

I was very annoyed by now. The operator said that once updated, I'd receive new documents which would be accessible. It would be emailed within 24 hours but since Saturday and Sunday are non-working days and Monday's a replacement holiday for Labour Day (Sunday), I'd get the email on Tuesday. Double annoyed.

Upon asking him about the charges of paper statement and informing him that I couldn't find the info on their website, he said he wasn't sure as it is a newly implemented policy. However, he said  that if I were to request a printout from the branch, I'd be charged RM5 per piece and then proceeded to inform me that the bank would be charging me RM5 per statement if they mail it to me. Sigh... Does he know or not know?

The operator's line: "The bank has yet to update my particulars" sounds familiar and I immediately recalled that the lady operator had said the exact same thing when I called them in January to remove the company name. She said that I must put my exact company name and yet asked me for the name again and said, "The bank has yet to update my particulars" and the company name wasn't listed online. I could have just rattled off 'Bloomberg', 'Pfizer', 'HSBC', 'Ernst & Young', etc and they wouldn't know. But silly me was too lost for words and chose "XY".

Actually, I am now quite lost for words though the post is lengthy and seems incoherent. There is just too much inefficiency during such a short period of time in using just one of SCB's products. SCB's inefficiency does not live up to its aggressive effort in gaining a new credit card user. For a bank of SCB's status, this is too much of a disappointment. I guess my expectation was too high.

And by the way, I find the customer service quite 'icy'. Had spoken to three different operators in three months. Can't really put a finger on it but somehow there's this iciness or am I being defensive?

I doubt I will be using SCB's credit card for the long run. Sigh... my quest for a good credit card for my convenience and advantage remains illusive.

Done!

Finally, I am done with my dissertation! A huge burden is lifted when I left the photocopy shop with the three sets of manuscript to be submitted for grading. Will be handing them in tomorrow. Hopefully, all will be well with the grading by the two readers, the return of my work with minimal changes, submission of the hard cover copies and getting to graduate this Nov.

Technically, my study's done and I still have another 2 1/2 months of break. Happiness! Will need to make some arrangement regarding my posting. Am mentally preparing myself for the next phase of my journey.

Don't You Know

Have been up to no good by Youtubing too much. Came across another song that I really love, for now.

Don't You Know is sung by Han Hyo-Joo and No Reply for the 2010 Grand Mint Festival in Korea. Han is an actress while No Reply is a duo in the Korean indie music scene.

Love the guitar intro, the lively rhythm, catchy tune and the chords arrangement. Have been trying hard to find the chords - nearly there. Too bad my guitar skill is too limited  to identify the chords that the guitarist is playing - they are beyond me.

(Youtube upload by koreanpride3, Sept 28, 2010)


Here's a recording of their live performance on Yoo Hee Yeol's Sketchbook which airs on KBS2 on Sundays. I thought Han's vocal is too weak though.




(Youtube upload by bhhanhyojoo, Oct 22, 2010)

Company Name?

Some banks are going all out to get more people to sign up for their credit cards. Whether you use it, that's another matter.

After some hard-chasing, by phone and through e-mail, by a very polite yet persistent agent promoting SCB card from West Malaysia, I finally succumbed and signed up for another card. That is after I'm certain that I won't be paying for the RM50 gov tax (contra) and future annual fees.

The perks are the RM188 rebate, 0.5% cash back on retail transactions,  and 50% discounts off "when you dine at Platinum Partners" (quoted from their brochure) although I doubt SCB are able to partner with enough "partners" in Sabah. Sadly, promotions and perks are mostly applicable to West M'sia while those of us here in the East will only get to browse through their catalogue.

After filling in the application form and I had it reverse-collected, the card arrived today. With a credit limit of RMXX,XXX printed on the letter - an amount so outrageous that I never will swipe on any given card, I checked out the new shiny platinum plastic only to discover an unwanted and wrong embossing of company name below my name.

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Company Name: Datin xxxxx!!!

Jan 24: SBC Credit Card

Gaaaahhhh!!! How frustrating! I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry!

Do they not know how to differentiate between the name of employer and the name of company?

I will never be caught dead with my former employer's name embossed on my c.c.! Called up the card centre to inform them of their mistake and to get rid of the company name.

Alas, since this is a 'business' c.c., the company name MUST be embossed on the card.

I will be getting another card within 7 days - with the name of my 'company' forever etched on the card.

How uninspiring! -.-

Sang Myung Master Choral Concert

I had the opportunity to attend the Sang Myung Master Choral (SMCC) Concert which was held on Jan 19 at the Auditorium of Sabah Theological Seminary. They were invited by the Sabah Council of Churches and it was also their inaugural performance outside of Korea.

Deb picked me up and drove up the lil hill to the STS hostel. From there we walked up the steps to the new auditorium.

It was my first time there and the spanking new auditorium was impressive!

 

The 25-member choir were led by Chang Eun Im, the conductor, and accompanied by three pianists. The SMMC was founded in 2004 and is composed of vocal major students from the college of music of Sang Myung University.

One of my favourite songs, Nella Fantasia, was sung that night since it is all the rage now in Korea. It is due to a KBS World variety show, The Qualification of Men, which had featured the process of an assembled choir practicing for and participating in a choir competition.

I enjoyed myself so much that night! It was indeed a world class performance of beautiful voices in harmony.

Trust

Photo credit

When I've little faith, when things seem impossible, when my heart goes awry, when I'm desperate, when I'm overcome with uncertainties,

 

I am reminding myself of this verse again.

Proposal Defence

The proposal defence for my dissertation is over and done. I'm happy and grateful that the panel gave me the green light to proceed.

 Photo credit

I must admit that the week leading up to my defence was not that pleasant as I was worried over what the panel would have to say about my work.

What if I've used the wrong method?

What if the theoretical framework employed does not make sense?

What if the literature review is not extensive or current enough?

What if I couldn't answer their questions?

What if my proposal needs major amendments and changes?

The knowledge that the first reader who never fails to shake-up and attack and tear apart the work of his candidates during presentation did not help my increasing worry. I guess I just do not want to appear like a fool and be demotivated before the panel.

I don't know how and why but when I arrived at the venue to wait for my turn, I found out that my group had a totally different panel. The second candidate was already in the room for more than 40 minutes and it did make me wonder if they were very dissatisfied with her work to question her for so long.

After one hour, she came out and informed those waiting nervously that the profs were very kind. They had merely given her many suggestions on how to improve her work and it took one whole hour. At that moment, all my fears dissipated!   

What can I say except that God is just so very good to me. One of my prayer requests was that the well-known highly critical prof won't be nasty and what did God do? He had the whole panel changed and I entered the room before two most kind, gentle and encouraging profs.

And the best part is, they were very satisfied with my work and only suggested a very minor change!

The same could not be said for some of my friends under different panels. Though they could proceed with their research, some had to modify and amend nearly 60% of their work! And an unfortunate course mate had to re-submit his work within one week due to a minor oversight on his part which was caught by a very fastidious prof. It was that gruesome!

I'm not saying that I had it easy or my work is flawless but I just disagree with how proposal defense is run here, well at least in my uni. It is supposed to be a sharing and feedback session to help students improve their work. Not a 'tearing' / 'hentam' (bashing) session which seems quite the norm here. Is it any wonder that post-grads do not look forward to their defence?  

**********

  

Thank You so much, DD! You know my fears and erased them for me and I'm so very grateful!

Blessings for Obedience

Photo credit

Deutronomy 28: 1 - 14

Blessings for Obedience

1 If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. 2 All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God:

3 You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.

4 The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.

5 Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.

6 You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.

7 The LORD will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.

8 The LORD will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The LORD your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.

9 The LORD will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the LORD your God and walk in obedience to him. 10 Then all the peoples on earth will see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they will fear you. 11 The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground—in the land he swore to your ancestors to give you.

12 The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. 13 The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. 14 Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them.

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The above is one of my favourite passages in the Bible. There was a time when I would recite this passage daily and religiously, claiming its promises of blessings before starting my day.

This passage does not end at verse 14 though. Just as there are blessings for obedience, there are curses for disobedience which I tend to forget or ignore.

I don't wish to end up receiving the fruits of disobedience. I am not perfect and I fail many times but I wish to be more obedient this year and for many years to come.

Time for a Change

Bye-bye 2010. Hello 2011.

I'm quite excited about this year. Personally I feel that it's another year of change for me and I'm looking forward to it! Am excited, though there's that niggling sense of trepidation and nervousness.

This year -

I wish to embrace change more wholeheartedly,

be more open, flexible and CALM in facing life's events and routines,

learn to be less predictably boring :)

As a small start, changed the layout of this lil blog of mine. Might change it again though.

Wishing you all a very blessed and good year ahead. :)