This Monday

This Monday - today - is exactly a week since your passing. I thought I would not be able to go through today.

6 a.m. was when I last fed you.

Between then and 7 a.m., I was trying to cool down your high fever with 4 towels.

Around 7 a.m. I just had to go out of the hospital 'dorm' to escape from the heartache of seeing you in your weakened condition.

From 7.30 - 8.30 a.m. between cooling down your fever, I had the help from two male nurse trainees assist me in giving you a sponge bath and changing your bedsheet and linens. You opened your eyes for a moment - which was the last time.

The maid arrived at 8.

9.10 a.m. - the maid fed you as I observed. Mom arrived awhile later.

You were rested on your left side - clean and dignified. I touched your head, your face, your arms, your hands. But your feet were cool. You showed no responses. You were still breathing but without the chesty sounds from your lungs.

I didn't know then - but that would be the last I saw of you.

9.30 a.m. - reached home and cried myself to sleep.

Between a deep slumber and knowing mom came home and left with Ken, I had a dream which I can't remember now. But I thought I was running through a green forest and there were others dressed in white.

12.35 p.m. - Between the shrill rings of the phone and mom's voice, I was told that the doc requested us to be at the hospital.

Just 5 minutes later, another call came to bring us the news that you were gone.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

I wish I had known then - which I know I couldn't have - so that I would sit there, hold your hands, caress your hair - just be by your side until you leave us.

I couldn't really cry then though my heart was hurting so much, but now I can.

Missing you so much!