This Monday

This Monday - today - is exactly a week since your passing. I thought I would not be able to go through today.

6 a.m. was when I last fed you.

Between then and 7 a.m., I was trying to cool down your high fever with 4 towels.

Around 7 a.m. I just had to go out of the hospital 'dorm' to escape from the heartache of seeing you in your weakened condition.

From 7.30 - 8.30 a.m. between cooling down your fever, I had the help from two male nurse trainees assist me in giving you a sponge bath and changing your bedsheet and linens. You opened your eyes for a moment - which was the last time.

The maid arrived at 8.

9.10 a.m. - the maid fed you as I observed. Mom arrived awhile later.

You were rested on your left side - clean and dignified. I touched your head, your face, your arms, your hands. But your feet were cool. You showed no responses. You were still breathing but without the chesty sounds from your lungs.

I didn't know then - but that would be the last I saw of you.

9.30 a.m. - reached home and cried myself to sleep.

Between a deep slumber and knowing mom came home and left with Ken, I had a dream which I can't remember now. But I thought I was running through a green forest and there were others dressed in white.

12.35 p.m. - Between the shrill rings of the phone and mom's voice, I was told that the doc requested us to be at the hospital.

Just 5 minutes later, another call came to bring us the news that you were gone.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

I wish I had known then - which I know I couldn't have - so that I would sit there, hold your hands, caress your hair - just be by your side until you leave us.

I couldn't really cry then though my heart was hurting so much, but now I can.

Missing you so much!

Untitled Hymn

Dedicated to Dad:

 Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus) ~ by Chris Rice

Youtube source unknown

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall, so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!



Yes, Dad, fly to Jesus and live! and sing! and dance!

For Just A Moment

When I reached home and put down my bags on the sofa, I had wanted to dash to the bed where you lie on - to kiss you on your forehead, to take in the familiarity of your scent and to ask you how you're doing.

It was a fleeting thought. It was real.

For just a moment, I forgot that you're not there. For just a moment, I forgot that you're in the hospital from which I had just returned from. For just a moment, I forgot

It is habitual; it is routine.

My happy thought was gone just as quickly as it had come.

For a moment - just a moment - I was happy.

Is It Time?

Is it time to let you go?
Can I not hold on to your hands awhile longer?
And feel the warmth that those hands emanate,
And feel the little responses that you could muster?

Is it time to let you go?
When you seem to show some improvement,
When once in awhile you could open your eyes,
And give me meaningful gazes?

Is it time to let you go?
When I whispered into your ear,
To ask you who I am,
And you called my name?

Is it time to let you go?
When I asked you if you're afraid?
And with all the strength that you could gather
You mumbled, "No."?

Is it time to let you go?
Can I not hold on to your hands awhile longer?
And feel the warmth that your hands emanate,
And feel the little responses that you could muster?

Is it time to let you go?
Because despite all the warmth and responses,
Your gazes and your mumblings,
You look so weak and fragile.

Is it time to let you go?
When you seem to be slowly slipping away?
Slipping through the grasps of my hands,
And my heart and my hope.

Is it time to let you go?
When I really wouldn't want to,
Because I couldn't really let you go,
Just because I would like you to be around awhile longer?

Is it time? Is it time?
This is what I ask my Lord,
Please take care of my earthly father,
This is my cry unto my Heavenly Father.

Socks?

I was facilitating a revision session with a class of 45 rambunctious and hyper-active 13-year-olds, when a particular boy caught my attention. He was quite unmanageable, loud and was interrupting his group's discussion. Therefore, I reprimanded him.

Ms Sophie: Sam*, please cooperate with your friends and work together. Get your acts together! Pull up your socks!

Sam: Okay, okay... *bends down and pulls up his socks*

Source

Ms Sophie: ... -.-"

*Name has been changed to protect student's privacy.

Working...

Real teaching has started off in full swing last week when I finally received my teaching schedule. This was after slightly more than two months of performing the insignificant task of being a relief teacher.

There was, however, nothing much to be done as it was the revision week prior to the upcoming final exam. In total, I've got 12 classes, with an average of two periods each. Yes, I have 'inherited' the less important subject and 'baby-sitting' a class without a subject teacher.

Happy 'teaching' to me.