Ugliness

As I discard the filters from my eyes, I'm beginning to see the ugliness -

the ugliness of passing the buck,

the ugliness of finger-pointing,

the ugliness of not taking up the responsibilities while expecting others to do so,

the ugliness of withholding information,

the ugliness of pride, 

the ugliness of arrogance,

the ugliness of "I don't knows",

the ugliness of "others can't do it, but it's okay with me".

I find it hard to comprehend, to digest, to swallow.

Has it been this ugly all this while?

Why couldn't I see it? Why didn't I realize it?

Am I being unfair? Am I finding fault?

Alas, no.

I've accepted too much, allowed too much, tolerated too much, given too much benefits of doubt.

I was too naive and impressed to see a different perspective so different from mine that it dazzles.

But, my admiration and respect are shattered.

Not that it is perfection. For no one is perfect. 

But never did I expect such double-mindedness, such unkindness, such selfishness, such maneuvering.

Someone who doesn't practice what one preaches! And such an amazing preacher that is!!!

So what if God is claimed as the God in life?

It is nothing!

Nothing but false claims! Nothing but a lip service! Nothing but a dead faith!

Where am I in this equation?

No where. No where.

For I have wised up. For I shall need to protect my heart. For I shall not be made used of ever again.

It is never too late to learn although it is 10 years too late. At least, I won't be fooled for even another day.

Such a sad realization - but such is life in this fallen world.