Counter Clearance

The kitchen was solely Ma's territory. No one disturbs or messes up with her haven. Simple and functional, it was Ma's.

Even when she was taken ill, it was still her place - that is until she left us. The kitchen is no one's.

The kitchen is left as it is since the day Ma left. Often, I'd prepare my breakfast and lunch for work but it isn't mine. It never feels like mine.

Many a time, I had wanted to clear everything up but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Earlier this year just before the CNY, I tried. I started with the first top drawer. It was a mistake. I saw all Ma's medication and I just broke down and cried. I didn't expect the sadness that could overwhelm me. So, I left the kitchen as it is.

A section of the counter top was getting messier - new ones on top of the old.

A mess! The broken juicer which I used daily to process fresh juices for Ma.

Ma's health supplements

The new packet of Korean seaweed I bought for Ma just a few days before she left us.

I was / am still stuck with the past. Unwilling to let go of certain items. Hanging on - for comfort, perhaps?

In my mind, I would tell myself to clear up the kitchen but it was only in my mind.

Today, I just went ahead and cleared it. Threw away the expired, wiped down the dusty surface and arranged what's left.

What's left

 

The emptiness

 

For the rice cooker... and perhaps a new oven / pressure cooker?

I would like to feel like the kitchen's mine.

Slowly, but surely.