Totally

My dad was stricken with stroke last Dec. It has been 3 months since and he is on his slow journey to recovery. i rejoice tremendously at every little steps that he had taken towards recovery, as he regains more of his physical strength each day.

However, even as i want him to heal quickly and am happy of his recovery thus far, there were some close calls and they really shook me up. One minute he was alright and then suddenly, he plummets. It was like a roller-coaster ride and i'm quite uncertain of how to take care of him. i could not anticipate what's coming next, not that i want bad things to happen.

It was during these times that i had to TOTALLY look up to God and TOTALLY trust Him to take care of my dad. My family and i have done the best that we could, humanly, financially, physically, emotionally possible, to take care of him, to nurture him back to health. Yes, humanly possible. Yet, when the unexpected happens, i could only call upon God's name and cry for His mercy and grace.

Last Tuesday, we brought back a wheelchair for dad. We were excited that we could finally place dad on a chair and let him join us at the living room. Usually, we'd push him (on his bed) to the living area. He'd lie there watching TV, or read the newspaper or just doze off.

So that night we made way for his chair, wheeled him in, covered his body with sarong, trying to make him as comfy as possible. He liked it. He watched the TV, talked to us, asked us to wheel him to the balcony to view the neighbourhood.

Then he started yawning and dozing off a few times. He seemed like he had dozed off when he'd wake up and yawn. Then i heard his wheezing and when i approached him, he was actually drooling and he was perspiring profusely. When i lifted his head, he was drifting into unconciousness and his face was a deathly shade of pale. He was cold, really cold and he seemed to be gagging.

The next few moments was a blur. My brother and a friend were there and we called him, shook him. Dad was vomitting and gagging and had difficulty breathing. And for ONE moment, i thought he was gone because he went limp in my arms and there was no breathing.

My heart was gripped with fear - a fear that i've never experienced before. i was crying for him, calling dad and calling God. Calling God to save my dad. I didn't even know what i was praying (it is all a blur to me now) but i remembered calling God, DEMANDING that He heal dad and restore him.

It seemed like forever; it seemed like a fleeting moment. My dad awakened and said that he was alright in English! We normally speak in Hakka. And at that moment i knew dad was alright. i knew God answered my cry for help.

That night i couldn't sleep. i didn't know why dad went unconscious and i kept watch over him, measuring his BP every 2 hours. He turned out okay.

But images from that night are still fresh on my mind. At one point, i remember my heart went weak with fear, with overwhelming sadness, with brokenness, when i thought he was leaving us.

i do not know how long my dad is going to be with us. i know that he, like everyone else, will meet his Maker one day. But there's one thing that i fervently pray for - if and when he leaves, he will go peacefully. That is my prayer. i do not want him to suffer, to struggle like that fateful Tuesday night.

There are so many things that are beyond my control. So many things that i cannot see. And all i could do is just to pray, to pray, to pray... and let God take care of them.

Faithfully,

God's child '.'